Mail Order: Chapter 7

MAIL ORDER


Chapter Seven

Death is only the beginning. So many bad guys have said that line that it’s lost its spooky, foreboding impact and become a cliché. Besides, death wasn’t the beginning in Garadun’s opinion. Reincarnation was the beginning. He should know: been there, done that. And if you’re going to literally start a new life, then you should do it right.
    As promised, he took Hsu-Chi to the Jade Peacock and got her a room of her own. The innkeeper didn’t ask questions – it would have been impolite. Not to mention none of his business. Then it was over to Lan Ming’s House of Noodles for a meal. Ming was happy to have Garadun and Shilling back, and welcome their new friend warmly. Hsu-Chi loved the food – it was familiar and comforting.
    Needing to walk off the superbly tasty feast (they had the famous noodles of course and Shilling had orange chicken) Garadun took Hsu-Chi around the Place of Waiting to fulfill another promise: buying her some clothes. Actually, a lot of clothes. They went from stall to stall, shop to shop, buying numerous blouses, skirts, sashes, slippers, shawls, hats, cloaks – anything the girl wanted. Materials included silk, satin, cotton, leather and fur. Colours ranged from simple and functional to ornate and patterned. They were all “Chinese high fantasy” style (as Garadun saw it) and were lovely. The girl really wore them well. He also bought her jewellery and accessories such as hair rods. He spared no expense – he always carried a lot of jink on him in gold, silver and gems in case it was needed. Hsu-Chi was overwhelmed by his generosity but he brushed it off as nothing, saying it was only the proper thing to do in the circumstances. Shilling got them several nice discounts, though. She would look at merchants and give them her best big kitten eyes and mew at them and, well, cuteness usually won the day.
    They returned to the inn and Hsu-Chi changed into one of her new outfits. She was breathtaking and her beauty got to him. He had a real weakness for Asian women and she was exceptionally easy on the eyes. But he did his best to shake it off.
    Then he took her to the edge of the village and pointed out the Great Spire. The look on her face said it all. While Shilling romped around and played and explored, he and Hsu-Chi walked and talked. He told her about the true nature of the multiverse and how it worked. He spoke of the Great Ring and the various planes of existence. He told her all about the Outlands and Sigil, the City of Doors. He told her who he had been, of his own death and reincarnation, and who and what he was now. He spoke of Ceraline and Laurewen and Lilyglade, his best friends. He explained what afterlifes really were and what gods really were. Not exactly what was advertised, was it? That she now had a whole new shot at all of it, to make whatever she wanted of her life.
    Hsu-Chi’s reincarnation had brought back not only her life, but most of her memories as well. She listened intently and with fascination to her friend’s tale, and then told him her own story – what she could remember of it anyway.
    She was raised in the great empire of Shou Lung in the lands of Kara-Tur. Her family hadn’t been desperately poor, but not very well-off either. One day a man came to their village and told her parents that she was special, and he wanted her. He offered gold. Because she was only a girl they gladly took the gold and handed her over.
    At this point in her tale Garadun became filled with rage and cursed her parents in a language so horrible it made her cringe and shiver. Shilling let out a mournful whine, upset by his dark words as well.
    He calmed himself, apologised, and told her to please continue.
    The man who bought her called himself Red Carp and he was a wu jen, a magic-user, a caster of mysterious arcane spells. He had paid for Hsu-Chi because he had observed her for a long time from afar and knew that she had the gift of magic as well. He took her to make her his apprentice. He showed her a whole new world of wonders; and taken with her beauty and intelligence and charm, he grew fond of her, treating her much like the daughter he’d never had. But Red Carp had another apprentice: Centipede. He was older than Hsu-Chi by several years and much more advanced in his spellcraft. He was kind to her at first, but then over time grew jealous and resentful of the way Red Carp favoured her. She was aware of his ill feelings but didn’t know how black those feelings had become.
    One day Red Carp came and told them great news. He had managed to impress some Imperial officials, and had been selected to become the Imperial Wu Jen of the city of Karatin. It was a position of great honour and prestige, bringing renown and wealth. As his apprentices they would of course go with him and share the honour. They would meet other wu jen and learn from them. One day they might even win for themselves high positions in the Ministry of Magic.
    The journey to Karatin would take many days, and along the journey they stopped at several villages and roadside inns. Halfway on their trip, Hsu-Chi was in her own room (a luxury for an apprentice) in a very respectable inn when Centipede barged in. She was just going to sleep and it was dark, but she knew it was him. He pinned her down, telling her that it was all her fault, that she was responsible and he wasn’t going to let her take everything away that he’d worked so hard for.
    He whipped out his dagger and stabbed her. Again and again and again.
    After that it was darkness. And then she was walking with other people through a big gate and there was a lot of confusion. There were rooms and halls, and somehow she got lost and was trying to figure out where she was and what was going on, and then a demon found her and said she would fetch him a good price.
    Then Garadun and Shilling rescued her.
    Garadun listened and was furious. He silently vowed that someday he would make this Centipede bastard pay for what he’d done.

                                                                          *****

When Emma walked out of the Palace of Judgement the next morning, she was escorted by a pan lung, a coiled dragon. Zhang Sun Fen had actually seen to it that she had a dragon as her escort. All right, it was only a young adult, but it was still a dragon. Very slim and over twenty feet long, it was serpentine in shape with no wings. Its scales were shades of green and red, there was a multicoloured mane around its neck at the back of its head, and long whiskers grew from its snout.
    He wasn’t kidding when he said he was gonna treat her like an empress, Garadun thought in approval. Dragons are like the top officials of the Bureaucracy. Nice.
    Emma saw him and Shilling waiting for her just beyond the Iron Gate, and waved happily. She turned and gave the pan lung a formal bow, and the dragon bowed its head in return. It looked past her and gave Garadun a suspicious look until he noticed the celestial kitten sitting beside him. Emma gave him a kiss on his reptilian cheek and the dragon nearly blushed. She strolled over, carpetbag in hand.
    “Have a good time?” Garadun inquired.
    “I had an amazing time,” said Emma, beaming. “I’ve never been treated like a royal concubine before. And the sex was very good as well.”
    “Glad to hear it,” he said, trying to be nonchalant.
    “So what’d you do?” she asked as they began walking toward the village.
    “Rescued a damsel in distress,” he told her. Emma started to chuckle, but when she looked at him and saw he was serious, she stopped.
    “You mean that?”
    Shilling miaowed and kept going. Garadun followed. “She’s at the inn.”
    Emma hurried to keep up. “You really rescued someone?”
    Garadun nodded and didn’t say anything else until they reached the Jade Peacock. Hsu-Chi was sitting on the front steps of the veranda, but got to her feet when she saw them coming. Emma took in the sight of the beautiful young woman and was impressed. When Garadun rescued a damsel in distress, he didn’t mess around.
    He made the introductions. “Hsu-Chi, may I present my friend, Emma of Sigil. Emma, this is Hsu-Chi, late of Shou Lung and now reincarnated as an aasimar.”
    Emma was stunned. “Reincarnated?”
    “Long story.” Garadun took out his pocket watch and checked the time. “But we should get going. I don’t wanna stay anywhere near this burg any longer than I have to. Too many questions might start getting asked today.”
    Emma knew something dodgy was up. “What’d you do?”
    “Tell you later. Come on, sweetie,” he said and picked up Shilling and slipped her into her pocket, where she hung on with her front paws like usual.
    Hsu-Chi bowed respectfully. “I’m honoured to meet you.”
    “Very nice to meet you too,” Emma replied, bowing back.
    “Let’s go.” As they headed for the portal at the edge of town, Garadun kept glancing around for trouble. Hsu-Chi’s reincarnation was on the official scrolls, so they couldn’t simply reverse it. But if someone started checking things, it might come out that Zhang Sun Fen hadn’t authorised anything. Best to not be around, especially since he had no idea when the high-up man himself was due to arrive.
    They reached the portal without incident. Garadun drew his sword and quickly lit a firecracker and set it under the gate. It went off and the gateway filled with golden, sparkling light. Hsu-Chi gasped in surprise. Although trained in the magical arts, she wasn’t experienced and worldly like her old master, Red Carp.
    She followed after Garadun and Emma came behind her. The portal closed.

Even though Garadun had warned Hsu-Chi about the Mortuary and how truly creepy it was, emerging from the doorway and into its dark, musty gloom was a shock. Emma appeared behind her a second later and the two young women almost instinctively stood closer together. The only light was that coming from Garadun’s magical sword; but even the clean radiance of Svartalfheim couldn’t dispel their sense of dread.
    “So now we’re in this city of yours?” Hsu-Chi whispered.
    Garadun nodded. “Hive Ward. Think of the worst part of the worst town you’ve ever seen. Well, this is far, far worse than that.”
    “He’s right,” Emma supplied. “This part of Sigil is horrible.”
    Shilling mewed fearfully and sank low in her pocket.
    “Stay close,” he said, which wasn’t really needed. He led them through the catacombs, ever on the alert for danger. Knights of the cross-trade were the least of his concerns. It wasn’t unknown for undead to roam the tombs of the Mortuary. When they climbed the stairs and got past the door into the main hall with its black flagstones, Garadun breathed a sigh of relief. One obstacle behind them.
    On the way to the Mortuary’s main entrance they ran across a couple of guards, former Dustmen on patrol. Garadun lowered his sword and approached them in a non-threatening manner. The women hung back, watching as he chatted with them quietly, passing each a handful of gold coins. He waved them forward and the guards did nothing more than leer. Gold was always an official pass in the Cage.
    Before they went outside Emma told Hsu-Chi to cover her head, explaining about the smog and soot. Hsu-Chi took one of her shawls from the new leather bag slung across her shoulders and covered up. When they stepped outside she stared in wonder and horror. She was from a small village and had never seen a city in her entire life. She had heard the term slums but had no conception of what it truly meant. The Hive Ward was so not the way to get introduced to big city life. The thin, sooty air made her gasp and cough, and she quickly wrapped her shawl around her nose and mouth.
    Shilling hid deep in her daddy’s pocket. She’d had enough.
    “Welcome to Sigil, City of Doors,” said Garadun unhappily. “I’m sorry. If there’d been another way back we would’ve taken it.”
    “It’s not your fault,” Hsu-Chi told him.
    “It gets better, believe me,” Emma promised. “You’ll love Chameleon House. I assume that’s where we’re going, Gar?”
    “That’s the plan. Now keep your eyes peeled.” Garadun drew his pistol and carried it in his left hand in addition to his sword. He took them beyond the Mortuary’s borders and made for Ragpicker’s Square. His guard was up, eyes hunting for danger. Emma took Hsu-Chi by the hand to comfort them both. The only benefit of being in this particular area of the Hive was that most of the neighbourhoods were deserted. They got through the square and entered Ragmonger’s Lane, retracing the route they’d taken to get to the Mortuary two days earlier.
    When the Green Mill eventually came into view, Garadun felt a small surge of relief. They were leaving to worst part of town behind and entering the simply bad part of town. It wasn’t much but he’d take it. They passed the Green Mill and its snotty elves and he led the girls up to New Market, one of Sigil’s many open bazaars. He wasn’t looking to do any shopping but markets like this were always a good place to find–
    Garadun pointed and finally smiled. “There we are: a cab.”
    “Oh, thank Sharess for that,” said Emma.
    Garadun holstered his pistol and sheathed his sword, but still kept a peery eye out for trouble, and pickpockets. Hsu-Chi had been watching her surroundings in awe and fear ever since they stepped through the portal, but New Market garnered amazement. It was a cosmopolitan mix of races from around the Great Ring, a chaotic scene beyond her imagination. Which was emphasised in her mind by the incredibly blasé attitude of her companions who accepted it as normal. They brought her up to a black carriage with a driver and two of the weirdest ponies she’d ever seen. Each was green and had rabbit ears, not to mention a tentacle in their chest!
    “After you, ladies,” said Garadun, opening the door for them. Emma grinned at Hsu-Chi and pulled her inside. He looked at the driver. “Civic Festhall, please.”
    “Right you are, guv,” said the cabbie, tipping his hat.
    “This is a pony cab,” Garadun explained to Hsu-Chi as they got underway. “The best way to get around the city.” He spoke into his pocket. “Shilling, you can come out now, sweetie. We’re in a cab on our way home.”
    Shilling immediately popped her head out and started miaowing happily, which made the girls giggle. She crawled out and began padding his lap, purring steadily. The Lower and Hive Wards were bad enough, but when you were a cat the smells were almost unbearable. The inside of the cab was a huge improvement.
    “So she really understands you,” Hsu-Chi remarked.
    Garadun nodded. “Completely. She’s a celestial cat and therefore very smart. When I made her my familiar, she simply got smarter.”
    “The wu jen of Shou Lung don’t often have magical animal servants.”
    “What’s a wu jen?” Emma asked curiously.
    “You call them, um…”
    “Wizards,” Garadun supplied. “Hsu-Chi here is a wu jen.”
    “Only a beginner,” she said, blushing.
    “I bet you know a hellava lot more about magic than I do,” he countered with a chuckle. “I can only manage a handful of minor spells.”
    Hsu-Chi visibly deflated. “And I have none. I no longer have a spellbook, and without one I can’t memorise and cast spells. I’m a cart with no wheels.”
    “No problem,” he told her as he petted his kitten. “We’ll just buy you a new one. This city’s crawling with magic for sale. I know of a couple of shops we can try without even having to think about it. We’ll get you a new spellbook, I promise.”
    “You mean that?” she said, shocked.
    “Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I?”
    “Gar takes care of his friends,” Emma told her and kissed him on the cheek.
    “Are you two, you know–”
    “Us?” Emma giggled. “No, we’re just good friends. Right, Gar?”
    “That’s a fact,” he confirmed affably.
    “Garadun has told me that he’s a warrior for hire. What is your profession?”
    Emma glanced at Garadun, who shrugged. “I’m a, how would you put it… I’m a freelance concubine. I entertain both men and women in bed.”
    Hsu-Chi blushed again, but there wasn’t any sign that she disapproved of what Emma did for a living. In fact the opposite. “I have heard great tales of famous concubines of the Imperial Court. Your life must be very exciting.”
    Emma grinned and gave her a wink. “It has its moments.”
    Looking out a window from the inside of a moving coach is a very poor way to see a city, but Hsu-Chi did the best she could while talking with her companions. They pointed out landmarks now and then, and said she would get to see more in future. The young woman was still amazed with what she saw.
    By the time they were in the Clerk’s Ward it had begun to rain. When they pulled up in front of the Civic Festhall, Garadun got out and gave the driver directions to Actual Alley. It wasn’t a long ways off but he didn’t feel like walking there through the rain, especially with Emma and Hsu-Chi. A few minutes later they had arrived. Garadun got out and paid the driver, then opened the door to Chameleon House so the girls could get inside quickly and easily.
    The main hall left Hsu-Chi speechless. It was some thirty feet square with a ceiling ten feet above. There was a small table by the front door and a wardrobe next to a staircase leading up to the next floor. There was a large table with six matching chairs, a large display cabinet, a matching shelving unit, a wrought iron log holder, tool set and spark screen for an impressive fireplace, a huge carpet for the central floor, a small rug for the front door, and a large padded rug of wolf fur in front of the hearth; around which was a sofa and two matching armchairs, with a red fox throw across the sofa.
    “Welcome to Chameleon House,” said Garadun and the door closed by itself. “This is the main hall. Below us are the cellars, and directly above us are the kitchen and dining rooms. Above them is Cera and Laurie’s room; above that is mine and Shilling’s room; and at the very top is the guest room and Lilyglade’s room.”
    “Wonderful, isn’t it?” said Emma, beaming. “I love this place.”
    “This is a magical construct,” Garadun told Hsu-Chi, who was totally flabbergasted. “It’s what’s known as a Daern’s instant fortress. When you give the right command word, it shrinks down into a metal cube that fits in the palm of your hand. Another command word makes it grow into this,” he added, spreading his arms.
    “Not even the Emperor of Shou Lung himself has such a wonder as this,” said Hsu-Chi, finally finding her voice.
    “We get around more.” Garadun smirked and then noticed the folded letter sitting on the little table by the door. His name was written on the back in Ceraline’s distinct handwriting. He set Shilling on the floor and opened the letter.

              Hey Gar,
                   I’m sorry we can’t be there to welcome you home. Remember that githzerai
              wizard who we got the frogs for? Well, he wanted us to deliver a dragon egg to
              some friend of his in the Plane of Air. Laurie and Lilyglade and I accepted the
              job and that’s where we’ve gone. I have no idea when we’ll be back, but
              hopefully it won’t be too long.
                   I hope everything went all right with Emma and her client.

              Huggles,
              Cera

              P.S. Hug and kiss to Shilling.

    “Huh. How about that,” he said, feeling oddly pleased. Ceraline had a tendency to let him make the bulk of the decisions concerning freelance work, but here she’d done it for herself. Laurewen and Lilyglade would have had their say of course, but it was a nice display of independence and responsibility.
    “What is it, Gar?” Emma asked curiously.
    “The girls are out on a job,” he said, passing her the letter. She read it quickly.
    “The Plane of Air? Oh, I’m so jealous! I’ve heard it’s one of the most incredible sights in the multiverse! Bet they’re going to have a great time, too.”
    “I don’t understand,” said Hsu-Chi.
    “You know about the elements, right?” said Garadun and she nodded. “Well, each of them have their own entire, separate plane of existence, just like the Outer Planes I told you about. They’re called the Inner Planes. Fire, Earth, Air and Water are the four main ones, and then there’s a bunch of Paraelemental and Quasielemental Planes like Smoke and Lightning. The girls have gone to the Plane of Air.”
    Hsu-Chi regarded him thoughtfully. “And this is a normal thing for you?”
    Garadun smiled. “We’re planewalkers. It’s what we do.”
    “Incredible.”
    “Come on, I’ll show you around,” he said and led her to the cellar, Shilling and Emma following along. Hsu-Chi was given the full tour and it left her astounded. Chameleon House was, to her, a seemingly endless collection of magical wonders (such as the plumbing: hot and cold running water, showers and huge tubs, and flush toilets) not to mention the décor which equalled if not exceeded the homes of Shou Lung nobility. The furniture was made from wood taken from across the planes; there were sheets of silk and fine cotton, and blankets of the softest, most fabulous furs. The collection of clothes belonging to the girls was on par with the Empire’s elite concubines.
    Garadun left Hsu-Chi for a brief time to unwind, with Shilling for company, while he escorted Emma to the Sunken Treasure. Jaalira was elated to hear how well things had gone for one of her girls, and then felt very proud of Garadun when she learned of Hsu-Chi’s rescue. His actions didn’t surprise her – he was a good man.
    It was during the walk back to Chameleon House that an idea came to him.