Mail Order: Chapter 8

MAIL ORDER


Chapter Eight

The Inlaid Rune was a magic shop, one that dealt exclusively in scrolls, magical tomes of all kinds, and arcane spellbooks from texts of cantrips for beginners to rare volumes filled with mighty spells. The interior of the shop smelled of ink, paper, parchment, leather and beeswax. In accordance with some unwritten (although perhaps written) universal rule that applies to all small, independent bookshops everywhere, there was a cat on the front counter. An old orange moggy who was napping.
    A small bell tinkled when Garadun came through the door and the cat looked up at him, sleepily at first. It saw Shilling nestled on his shoulder and got up and stretched, eyeing her with interest. She was equally curious about the ginger tom and leapt down on the counter and miaowed at him. He mrowed back at her.
    “Hello? Who’s there?” said the proprietor, emerging from the back room. He was human and on the older side of middle-aged. Frizzy grey hair stuck out all around his head like shelf fungi. On top of his head was a bent, pointy grey hat and he wore a dark blue robe with glyphs on it; it was more like a bathrobe than wizard’s garb.
    “Do you remember me, Mr Hispid?” Garadun asked.
    The wizard stepped up to the counter and took a hard look. “Yes, yes I do. The tiefling who sold me that Manual of Gainful Exercise. Come to sell me something else?”
    “No, to buy.”
    The ginger cat, whose name was Cantrip, mrowed at his master. Hispid looked at the celestial kitten on the counter, then back to Garadun. “Yours?”
    Garadun nodded. “I’ve learned a bit of sorcery since I was last here. This is Shilling, my familiar. Shilling, this is Mr Hispid. Cantrip you’ve met.”
    Shilling sat down but tried to sit tall – as tall as was possible for a kitten at any rate. It was her very first time meeting another familiar (the rat in Hopeless didn’t count and this was a housecat, which made all the difference) and she realised she couldn’t let the side down. She loved her daddy and wanted to make a good impression.
    “So what can I help you with today?” Hispid asked.
    “A friend of mine has lost her spellbook,” Garadun explained, and Hispid gaped at him in shock. “Yeah, I know. But it wasn’t her fault. Her fellow apprentice, a real piece of scum, turned stag and murdered her. Now she’s back from the dead and has to replace what was taken from her.”
    “I see,” said Hispid thoughtfully. “What are you after?”
    “A book of cantrips and a book of starting spells,” Garadun replied. “If you’ve got anything from Kara-Tur on the Prime world of Toril, that’d be even better. She’s from a country called Shou Lung.”
    “They call wizards there wu jen.” Hispid smirked at the tiefling’s look of surprise. “Yes, of course I know it. I sell magic in the City of Doors – it’s my business to know the dark of such matters. Shou Lung, eh? Give me a minute.”
    The rumpled wizard wandered among his shelves of books and scrolls for several minutes, mumbling softly to himself now and again. Garadun stroked Shilling while he waited and she did her best to act like a grown-up kitty. Cantrip, much older and wiser, smiled a cat smile and laid down and relaxed. Heh. Kittens.
    “Here we are,” Hispid announced when he returned. He set down a well-worn tome of spells. “This once belonged to a wu jen named Three Pearls. Funny names magic-users give themselves in Kara-Tur. This is called The Turtle Book. It’s got seven cantrips in it, eleven spells of the first grade, and nine of the second grade. Many of the spells are unique to those lands. I think it’s what you want.”
    Garadun picked it up and examined it. It wasn’t very thick, less than fifty pages of rice paper, the spells written in octopus ink. The cover was made from very thin sheets of wood wrapped in turtle skin, with Chinese-style characters down the left side in gold leaf. The bindings were some sort of fine black hair woven into cords. Coming as it did from Shou Lung the spine was on the right side, not the left.
    “How much you want for it?” Garadun asked.
    “Given its uniqueness… twenty-five hundred gold pieces.”
    “You know, I’m not even gonna haggle with you. That’s a fair price. Done.” Garadun offered his hand and they shook. He reached into a coat pocket and brought out a pouch of gems. He counted out twenty-five, then put the pouch back along with the book.
    “I wish all my sales were so easy,” Hispid remarked, pleased. “Anything else?”
    “Not today, but thank you. C’mon, Shilling. Have a good one.”
    “Come back anytime,” said Hispid pleasantly.

Hsu-Chi stood by the huge fireplace in Garadun’s chambers and looked at the assorted knickknacks spread over the mantelpiece; mementos and souvenirs from his adventures along the Great Road. She picked one up and examined it closely: it was a smoothly cut piece of amber with a tiny insect inside. She put it back and glanced around his room with a slight sense of unease. Part of her felt like she was snooping. On the other hand, he had told her she was free to go wherever she liked in Chameleon House.
    When he returned from taking Emma back to the Sunken Treasure the day before he had been excited. He’d had an idea.
    “Would you like to go home?” he asked her.
    “Home?”
    “Yeah, home. Shou Lung. Would you like to go back?”
    “Is that possible?” she said with wide eyes.
    “I’m pretty sure it is. Do you want to go back?”
    The instinctive response was to say yes, but at first Hsu-Chi hesitated. So much had happened since she’d been… murdered. That she could actually recall her own murder and subsequent rebirth was unbelievable in itself; and now Garadun thought it very likely that she could go back home and pick up where she’d left off. The first step was to get her back into the magic business. To that end he’d gone out today to buy her a new spellbook. Just like that, as if he were going to market to buy some eggs. In Shou Lung a lost spellbook would have meant the end of her career as a wu jen. Practitioners didn’t share their secrets readily, let alone sell them openly.
    Especially not to women.
    That was something else about him that was hard for her to grasp. He didn’t see her being a woman as having anything to do with anything. As far as he was concerned a woman could do whatever she wanted, do anything a man could do (not counting innate biological differences) and was socially equal to men in every way. His closest friends were women, and they were brave fighters and spellcasters.
    Sigil, the City of Doors, was well beyond her admittedly limited experience.
    Hsu-Chi turned from the fireplace when she heard Shilling’s feline trill, and saw the kitten come trotting through the open door of the loft. She mewed at her. Garadun came through a few seconds later and gave her a wide smile. He had a large book in his hand and he brandished it before her excitedly.
    “Got it! Got you a spellbook. And it’s even from Shou Lung!”
    Hsu-Chi stared in disbelief. “No…”
    “See for yourself,” he said, grinning, and gave her the book. “Like I told you, you can get anything in the Cage so long as you know where to look and have the jink.” Shilling climbed up on the armchair and miaowed, also pleased, then started having a wash.
    Hsu-Chi ran her hand over the front cover, with The Turtle Book written in gold leaf down along the left side. She opened it and saw Shou characters on the first page, kanji mixed with obscure arcane symbols and runes. Each magic-user wrote out magic in their own personal style and code, and it usually required a read magic spell to read them for the first time. Fortunately, read magic was so easy that any magic-user could prepare it from memory without a spellbook, something she’d already done.
    She cast the spell and the meaningless writing became instantly understandable. She didn’t try to read much in detail, simply skimmed the pages to get an idea of what kind of spells lay before her. To her utter joy she recognised all the beginning spells and was even more thrilled to see spells unique to Kara-Tur. The volume also included spells she knew of but were beyond her ability to cast. For now.
    Hsu-Chi looked at Garadun in wonder. “And you were able to buy this?”
    “In a shop called The Inlaid Rune. It specialises in spellbooks.”
    “The wu jen of Shou Lung would not believe it,” she said, shaking her head. “But surely a work such as this would have commanded a fortune.”
    “Actually, it was very reasonably priced.” Garadun sat down at his main table and pulled off his boots.
    “I find that hard to believe.”
    “In this city, magic is for sale everywhere. For what that book contains I thought the price was fair. More than fair, actually, because it’s a wu jen’s book. Which in Sigil makes it something of a collector’s item.”
    Hsu-Chi held the book to her chest and blinked back the threat of tears. “I can never repay you for this.”
    “Between friends there is no owing,” he told her kindly. “Now then: about getting you home. I think I’ve worked it out.”
    “How?” she asked, sitting down opposite him.
    “With this,” he told her, taking the carnelian cube from his pocket. “After I bought your book I went to see a wizard friend of mine. It’s why I was gone half the day. He lives in Faunel. He confirmed what this is and how it works.”
    Garadun gave it to her. “See the runes? Each symbolises a different plane: Arborea, Baator, the Outlands, Pandemonium, Ysgard. And this last one is the Prime Material. If you press a side, it opens a gate to the indicated plane. Press it again and the gate closes. Press it twice in a row real fast and it just teleports you there instantly.”
    “Incredible,” she said, amazed.
    “I hate to ask this, but can you remember where you died?”
    “Yes, clearly,” she said, nodding. “When I got my memories back that was one of the clearest. I remember the inn and the town.”
    “Good. Because this is my plan.” He took a breath. “We go through the nearest portal to the Outlands, which is like a couple blocks from here. It leads to Sylvania. Once out of Sigil this thing will actually function. You activate the Prime side – while thinking hard about that inn, that town, your world. The cube will open a gate right to there. We step through the gate and next thing you know you’ll be in Shou Lung.”
    “Just like that?”
    “Just like that. From there you can restart your life. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you’ve got plenty of gold. You’ll be your own woman.”
    Hsu-Chi leaned back in her chair. It was so much to take in.
    “Look, I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry. Haven’t had anything to eat since I left this morning. I could make us some dinner.”
    “I don’t want you to go to any trouble. I should be cooking for you.”
    “I’ve been taking care of myself for a long time,” he told her affably. “I do my own cooking when I’m at home, it’s no trouble. Or we could go out if you want. The Sunken Treasure has an amazing menu.”
    “That sounds fine. Whichever you like,” she said, her expression grateful.
    “Okay, we’ll go to the Treasure. You’re gonna love the food.”
    Hsu-Chi smiled. “I’m sure I will.”

                                                                          *****

It was another normal day in the town of Cham Fau. Fishermen were out on the Hungste River, some of whom were using their sampans to ferry visitors and important locals through the canals or across the Hungste River or Huang Bay. The wealthy lived in Upper Town in their walled, stately manors. The common people lived in the floodplain, in among a network of dirt streets and a hodgepodge of houses.
    The Inn of the Lucky Dragon was located right on the edge of Huang Bay and was the centre of activity for the township. Fishermen came in before dawn for breakfast, and dropped by again later in the morning with their catch. Po Lin, the innkeeper, bought the best of their catch to serve to his guests at lunch and suppertime. The Lucky Dragon was very large, very prosperous, and the biggest establishment in all Cham Fau. It had two communal sleeping rooms, ten private rooms, a large chamber for visiting lords and other important folk, a large main dining room, a grand hall for banquets, and a stable capable of housing fourteen horses. It even had its own granary and storerooms.
    So it was something of a shock, on this otherwise normal day, when a shimmering veil suddenly ripped into existence in the middle of the Great Courtyard. Two of the guests, a wealthy merchant and his wife, screamed in terror and ran yelling from the courtyard. One of Po Lin’s daughters however, Mei-yuan, who’d been serving them tea, was made of far sterner stuff and stood her ground.
    Moments later a spirit stepped from the glowing gateway. He wore clothes similar to those worn by the outlander barbarians who sometimes came to Shou Lung, and had a sword in his hand. His skin was bone-white and his eyes almost all black. When he looked at Mei-yuan, she was surprised when he gave her a polite bow of the head. A few moments later he was followed by a beautiful Shou woman clad in one of the finest ruqun she had ever seen. The spirit looked around the courtyard the way warriors did when they were searching for danger, and when he seemed satisfied he said something to the young woman. She replied in the same foreign tongue and then handed him something. He manipulated whatever it was and the gateway vanished.
    “Hello,” said the young woman in perfect Shou, bowing. “Please forgive our sudden intrusion. My name is Hsu-Chi and this is my guardian, Garadun.”
    “I am Po Mei-yuan,” said Mei-yuan, bowing back. Garadun? Truly, he must be a spirit with such a bizarre name. “My father, Po Lin, is the innkeeper here.”
    “Then this is the Lucky Dragon?” said Hsu-Chi.
    “Yes, my lady,” said Mei-yuan, bowing again.
    Hsu-Chi let out happy cry and started chatting with her mysterious guardian in their foreign tongue. It was then that a small cat poked its head out of a pocket from just inside the spirit’s long brown coat and miaowed cheerfully, hanging on with its front paws and looking around. Mei-yuan had never seen a kitten so lovely before. Some of her fur actually glittered silver in the sunlight. A spirit animal!

Garadun had just sheathed his sword when he heard the sound of raised voices. A large sliding door in the western wall of the courtyard opened to reveal a man who was likely the innkeeper. Stepping up beside him were a couple of local men. The girl, who Hsu-Chi said was the innkeeper’s daughter, hurried over to her father and started talking to him excitedly and pointing at Hsu-Chi and himself.
    “What are they saying?” Garadun asked Hsu-Chi.
    “Mei-yuan is telling her father what she saw.”
    One of the men beside the innkeeper looked at them fearfully, then suddenly drew a long fishing knife and charged, yelling loudly. Garadun was not the kind of blood who took threats lightly; he usually killed them as quickly as he could. But given the circumstances he was willing to cut a little slack. He drew his revolver and fired into the air, which brought the man to an abrupt halt and silenced everyone in the area. Then he levelled his gun, pointing it at the berk’s head.
    “Hsu-Chi, tell this sod if he takes another step I’ll kill his ass.”
    Hsu-Chi quickly translated his words, and the man slowly lowered his arm and then dropped his knife and stood very, very still.
    “Good. Now tell everyone I don’t mean anybody any harm, but the next person who tries something stupid won’t live to try again.”
    Hsu-Chi did this, pleading with the innkeeper and the growing crowd of onlookers (who were gathering at the open door, which led to the main dining room) to stay calm and not do anything rash. She explained that she was a wu jen and that Garadun was her guardian, a brave and honourable warrior from the realm of spirits. The crowd believed her – to them it was obvious that Garadun was a spirit. The people of Kara-Tur were extremely familiar with spirits, who came in all shapes and sizes and could be found everywhere. The evil spirits of the dead, such as gaki and hopping vampires, were feared and shunned. But the majority of spirits were nature spirits and generally well-respected. The spirits of the Celestial Bureaucracy, such as spirit folk, foo dogs, dragons and the warrior standing before them, were given the respect and deference entitled to nobles and others of high station.
    Po Lin knew better than to test the patience of skilled warriors, especially spirits with magical powers at their command. He bowed very low and his customers quickly did the same. The terrified fisherman dropped to his knees and kowtowed.
    “That’s bloody better.” Garadun holstered his revolver. He took a scroll from a coat pocket and unrolled it. He took a breath, concentrated, then carefully read off the tongues spell that was inscribed upon it. The magic took hold.
    “Okay, you lot, listen up!” he said loudly. “All right, you can stop bowing. Right. Now then, my name is Garadun and this is Hsu-Chi, my friend. She was murdered in this very inn a while back–”
    Everyone stared at her in shock and she gaped at Garadun in total surprise.
    “–but the Celestial Bureaucracy has decided to give her back her life because she is a good, honourable young woman and a highly respected wu jen. You! Innkeeper! Come here a minute. That’s right, get your ass over here.”
    “Yes, lord?” said Po Lin, stepping over and bowing.
    “Read this and tell everyone what it says.” Garadun handed him the scroll he’d taken from the Palace clerk. Po Lin read it with open astonishment and not a little fear.
    “It’s true,” said Po Lin, facing the crowd and holding up the scroll. “By order of the Celestial Bureaucracy she has been reincarnated and her new human body given celestial blood. She is the favoured of Heaven.”
    To Hsu-Chi’s further amazement, every single person dropped to their knees and bowed with their foreheads on the ground in great reverence. Garadun smiled in deep satisfaction. Some days it really paid to get out of bed.
    “Another thing,” Garadun announced. “The man who murdered her is a wu jen by the name of Centipede. He is most likely in the city of Karatin, aiding the city’s Imperial Wu Jen. Have your nobles send word to have this criminal arrested and executed. This is by order of the Celestial Emperor himself! Justice must be done.”
    “It will be done as you command, lord,” said Po Lin.
    “Good. Now prepare your best room for Hsu-Chi. I’m sure you’d be honoured to have her staying here as your guest… right?”
    “Yes, lord! It would be the highest honour imaginable!”
    “Too right. Get to it.”
    Garadun grinned and watched as the innkeeper got to his feet, handed back the scroll, and then scrambled to follow out his orders. The other patrons slowly got up and backed into the dining hall, bowing all the way. He turned to Hsu-Chi.
    “There, I think that’ll cover things,” he said in satisfaction. “Nobody’s gonna mess with the favoured of Heaven, are they? I think you’ll find that being a woman isn’t gonna be so much of a problem now.” He gave her the scroll. “Here, this is yours after all. Proof for any leatherhead who questions your story.”
    “I don’t know what to say.” Tears came to her eyes. “You’ve given me everything.”
    “It was my pleasure,” he said, and meant it. “There’s too much injustice in the world, Hsu-Chi. It’s nice to balance things out now and again.”
    Shilling miaowed loudly in complete agreement.
    Hsu-Chi sniffed, then threw her arms around him and hugged him tight. Garadun returned the embrace, kissing her on the head.
    “Have a good life, Hsu-Chi,” he told her kindly.
    “Thank you, Garadun,” she said, looking into his eyes. She kissed him on the lips. “I will never forget you. Or you, Shilling.”
    Shilling mewed sadly and pawed at Hsu-Chi’s nose, which made the young woman giggle with a mixture of joy and melancholy. “I’ll miss you, little one.”
    Garadun backed away, doing his best to keep his emotions in check. Wouldn’t do to get all teary-eyed. It’d ruin his street cred. He brought out the cubic gate.
    “Remember: don’t let anyone push you around, Hsu-Chi.”
    “I won’t, I promise,” she told him proudly.
    “Good. Take care, beautiful.” He gave one side of the cube a quick double-tap and he and Shilling vanished with a slight pop! of imploding air.
    “And you, Garadun,” said Hsu-Chi softly. “Spirits bless you.”